When I was in elementary school, I had a teacher describe me as “vulnerably shy.” In my childhood, I had a lot of difficulty making eye contact, speaking up for myself and generally putting myself out there. I’ve spent most of my life trying to break free of what once was crippling shyness. About 6 years ago, I remember saying to a friend, it seems I can only get so far in life before my personality gets in the way. Meaning, I can see patterns of behavior that are not serving me but I do them anyway. Why is that? Shortly after making this statement, I was introduced to the Enneagram (Any-A-Gram) which helps you identify and transform the personality patterns keeping you stuck in your relationships and in your life. This tool or personality theory I am continuing to learn has gotten me through some recent major life transitions, including losing a dear friend, the loss of my marriage and the death of my father. It has also allowed me the grace of re-inventing myself. I am now living in the neighborhood I have always wanted to live in and have found a new relationship that is fulfilling. I have gotten my kids through these transitions as well as healed my relationship with my now ex-husband. Through all of this, I have learned our personality patterning can be fluid and loosened, opening us up to new ways of living our lives.
Enneagram means nine-sided figure and the theory is based on each of us falling into 1 of 9 personality types. It explains our core fears and the subconscious childhood stories behind our actions which affect our relationships and our lives. It also points us towards our unique spiritual gifts and what we came here to embody. It is not only a psychological tool, it is a map for spiritual growth as well. What if I told you that we are each here to remind one another of an essential spiritual quality that is one ninth part of a whole? A quick summary of these qualities are empowerment, unity, alignment, generosity, radiance, depth, clarity, awareness and expansion. All of us have access to each of these qualities but whether nature or nurture we have chosen to write the story of our lives around one of them.
When working with the Enneagram we first learn our personality type and the strengths and challenges that come with it. We will always lead with our predominant personality type and it is also the doorway into embodying the gifts of the other eight types. The Enneagram is a life-long practice which helps us develop our inner observer, allowing us the space to respond rather than to react in our habitual patterning.
Working with the Enneagram has taught me to take things less personally, it has given me tools to understand the people in my life better, it has cultivated gratitude, compassion and forgiveness in my life. I have learned we are not our childhood stories and when we investigate them some of them are not even true, we are not our past experiences, we are not the roles we play. We are spiritual beings with the capacity to be so much more than we could ever imagine once we step out of our stories and become the witness to our stories.
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