What is the Enneagram? In a nutshell, the Enneagram is a map of our inner experience and the pathways out of our habitual reactions. It works with any spiritual practice and helps free us from our own suffering by teaching us to respond rather than react.
LEARN YOUR TYPE: The first step in working with the Enneagram is to learn which of the 9 personality types you use the most, we each have all 9 types within us, we’ve just learned to base our personality structure around one of them. Some people take years to figure out their type, some get it within minutes, regardless, this system is most helpful if you can nail down your type. Tests are not always accurate, reading about all the types and seeing which one resonates with you the most is one of the best ways or you can find someone knowledgeable (me) to give you a typing interview. Ultimately, it is meant to be a journey of self-discovery and a good typing interview points you to two or three types you should check out for you to make your own decision on your type.
STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE: Okay, now you know your type, the highs, the lows of it, the gifts it contains and its challenges. During this process, you will want to learn about the other types and will want to label your partner, co-workers, friends and children. This is normal human behavior but please refrain from labeling anyone else. This work is deeply personal and an inside job. We are not privy to anyone else’s internal dialogue, we can never really know for certain what type someone else leads with so stay in your own lane whenever possible.
CHECK YOURSELF: Recognize the ways your patterned behavior shows up in your life. You observe yourself and get curious. For example, I notice I have high standards (type 1), I expect others to hold themselves to my standards and I am critical when they don’t. What’s that about? Or, hey, I notice I tend to explode in anger (type 8) as soon as I perceive someone disrespects me what’s that about? Or even, I notice I tend to not advocate for my own needs and desires because I really want to avoid conflict (type 9) in my relationships, what’s that about?
LOVE YOURSELF: Now I am checking myself before I wreck myself but I am still wrecking myself, help!!! Here is where self-compassion comes in. Be kind to yourself, see the pattern and change your self-talk around it. Pema Chödrön says, make friends with yourself, to make friends with yourself, you’ve got to hold and make friends with your whole experience, both positive and negative because without it nothing can happen. For example (type 2), say you notice you have offered to help a friend yet again and you are mad because they don’t want your help, or they do want your help and now you’ve made them dependent on you because you are always rescuing the people in your life. When you notice this pattern, say to yourself, “Champ, you did it again, that’s cool, it’s been a lifetime of this, it’s not going to change overnight but now you notice it and you are worthy regardless”. Say it again, you are worthy. Repeat until you receive the message.
FLIP THE SCRIPT: Okay now I see it and I’m not beating myself up for it, what’s next? Make a different choice. For example, say you notice you are self-promoting (type 3) a little too much to get others to see the value in you that you can so easily see in others. Flip the script, do what you do best, let your innate value shine so others can let their freak flag fly. Start making some space for other people, step back a little, encourage them to bring their best forward and point it out to them, you see it so clearly you forget other people cannot.
FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS: I do this, you do that, we are in a rat maze of neural programming, we can rewire ourselves, it just takes a recipe of time, patience and forgiveness. You will notice you are developing more compassion for yourself and others. You begin to understand why they do the things they do and you are quicker to let go of grievances and less likely to judge someone else’s behavior. Forgiveness becomes easier, faster and you develop compassion for yourself and the other personality types you don’t lead with.
REPEAT: Repeat until you die and possibly after. This is an ongoing process with many layers, you will get hooked in your pattern again and again but over time, you get less hooked, get out of it faster and eventually some of it is no longer there.
RESULTS: You will experience more freedom from repetitive non-productive thoughts, anxiety, easily hurt feelings, stubbornness and anger that does not serve you or others. You will begin to show up more fully in your life and relationships. You will start experiencing living from a sense of grounded well-being, noticing when your attention shifts from well-being and you will have tools to bring you back into balance. There is no quick fix for healing, healing is an ongoing practice done over time, the results are cumulative, incremental and so worth it.
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